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Funny Things Ben Has Said



March 2008 - Ben is 2 years, 4 months old

I was changing Ben's diaper when he grabbed his penis and said, "What's that?"
I said: "That's your penis."
He said: "Peanut?
Me: "No, penis."
He: "Peanut butter jelly?"

Ah, word association in the mind of a toddler!


April 15, 2008 - Ben is 2 years, 5 months old

It was shortly before Ben's bedtime when Shawn came home from work with Chinese food. I sat on the couch while he ate. Ben sat at the table picking at Shawn's food.

Suddenly Ben started saying, "Mommy, sit chair!" wanting me to come sit at the table with them.

Shawn said, "Hon, Ben wants you over here."

And Ben suddenly started calling me "Hon," too, going "Come here, Hon!" then he said to Shawn: "What's Hon doing? Hon sit on couch?"


End of April, 2008 - Ben is almost 2 1/2 years old

There's a song that goes "you're way too beautiful girls, that's why it'll never work, you'd have me suicidal, suicidal, when you say it's over...."

Shawn and I have it on a CD we listen to in the car.

We were in a Subway ordering sandwiches after having listened to that song in the car, and all of a sudden Ben just started singing over and over (to the correct tune) "suda-cidal, suda-cidal, suda-cidal, suda-cidal...."


May, 2008 - Ben is 2 1/2 years old

Ben randomly started bouncing his butt up and down while I changed him. He announced "I'm wigglin' my penis!"

(he'd also previously grabbed his penis and announced "That's my penis! It's a big one!")


June, 2008 - Ben is 2 years and 7 months old

Ben refused to eat with his toddler fork. He insisted he wanted a "big boy fork." Finally to quiet him, I gave him a regular fork.

He beamed at me and said "I have a big boy fork. You have a big boy fork, too, Mommy."


August 10, 2008 - Ben is three months away from his 3rd birthday

We had a big hailstorm. Ben, Shawn and Alexa all tasted the hail, and Ben told me that he tasted it. I asked him what it tasted like, and he said "Jello."


September 1, 2008 - Ben is two months away from his 3rd birthday

I bought three baby parakeets today. I brought them home and was standing around their cage in the kitchen with Shawn, my mom, Alexa and Ben discussing names.

I said I wanted to name two of them "Cupcake" and "Waffle" and couldn't think of a third food name for the third one.

There was some back and forth discussion amongst everyone while Ben just stood on a chair looking at the birds. Suddenly, Ben announced loudly and clearly "That's a Muffin."

We all looked at each other and laughed and I said, "hey, Muffin could work."

Then Ben pointed at another one and said "and that's a Cookie."

Even more amused by now, I pointed to the third one and said "And who's that?"

And Ben replied, "That's a Bean." So he spontaneously and APPROPRIATELY (all food names!) named the three new birds all by himself :)


September 3, 2008 - Ben is two months away from his 3rd birthday

Shawn and I were in the car with Ben leaving the grocery store. As usual, Ben took off his shoes once he was in the car, and today he started picking at his toes.

Shawn said, "Benny, don't pick your toes."

And Ben said "I'm NOT picking my toes. I'm CLEANING my toes."


end of November, 2008 - Ben is 3 years old

Ben sometimes puts legos inside his pajamas and shoves them down by his feet and legs and we have to dig them out.

Tonight we went to Red Lobster for dinner, and had Ben in his pajamas while we were out because he had a cast on his arm and it was just easier.

We ate dinner, left and got in the car and drove to Best Buy next. As we were walking into the store, Ben told me he had a lego in his pajamas.

I said, "No, you don't." But he insisted he did, so to humor him, I felt down by his foot where he was pointing, and I felt SOMETHING hard.

I got it out and it turned out it was the nutcracker we had on our table at Red Lobster.


early January, 2009 - Ben is around 3 years and 2 months old

Shawn brought home McDonald's vanilla ice cream cones for everybody. Ben always gets so excited to get his ice cream cone. We used to get him "kiddie cones" but our McDonald's stopped making them, so we have to get him a regular size now.

He tends to get sick of the ice cream itself before it is gone and wants to eat the cone. So Shawn decided to help him out this time by eating some of the ice cream.

Ben approved of this plan, but said: "One lick, okay?"

Shawn took a second lick.

Ben said, watching him, "Two licks."

Shawn took a third lick and Ben said so resigned and matter-of-factly: "Okaaaay. Three licks."


end of January, 2009 - Ben is around 3 years and 3 months old

Ben came up to me and started holding up his fingers and said "Mommy, when I was four, I was a girl, right?"

I laughed and said "Benny, you were never four, and you were never a girl."

He got very determined and said, "No! I said, when I was four, I was a girl!"

I repeated that he was never four, and never a girl.

He then asked, "Will I be a girl soon?"


February 2, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 3 months old.

My husband's brother and sister-in-law came over. Here's how the conversation went:

Ben (to my husband's brother) : "Are you Scott?"

Me : "Yes, that's your uncle Scott. That's daddy's brother."

Ben : "Who's my brother?"

Me : "You don't have a brother. You have two sisters. Melissa and Alexa."

Ben : "I want a brother."


Beginning of February, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 3 months old.

We were with my nephew, Caleb, who is 9 months younger than Ben.

I heard Ben say to Caleb: "Hey. You wanna hear me fart?" Then a few seconds later he goes "did you hear my fart?"

I heard Caleb say "yeah."

And Ben say "Wow. You did?"


February 7, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 3 months old.

Shawn was in the shower and Ben wandered into the bathroom. Shawn stepped out of the shower and started to towel dry off, and Ben said, "ooh Daddy you have a big penis!"

And then he added: "And you have big legs and big feet too!"


February 12, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 3 months old.

For fun, I asked Ben what he wanted to be when he grew up, even though I didn't think he'd really understand that concept yet.

Me: Hey Ben, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Ben: What?
Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Ben: Huh?
Me: What do you want to be?
Ben: A tomato.
Me: A tomato?
Ben: No. I don't want to be a tomato. I just want to be Ben.


March 5, 2009. Ben is 3.

Yesterday, Ben randomly said to me, "it's okay to cry, right Mommy?"

I said, "yes, everybody cries sometimes."

So this afternoon I was changing his diaper and he had just a tiny bit of a rash and he gave a little whine when I wiped him, and I said to him kind of joking, "it's okay to cry, right Ben?"

And he said "Yeah. That's what I said this morning."


April 6, 2009. Ben is 3.

We were having a Passover seder at our house. After the seder, the kids got to look for the afikomen.

I gave Ben a little bit of guidance after a bit so he could "find" it, and when he saw the napkin sticking out of its hiding place, his eyes widened.

He grabbed it and started saying "oooh" while he unwrapped it.

He then looked at the matzo and said:

"Oh, God! I think it's a cracker!"


April 25, 2009. Ben is 3.

It was just about bedtime. Shawn had gone out to get ice cream from the ice cream truck and was eating his cone before putting Ben to bed.

Ben climbed up on the chair next to Shawn's and kept saying, "it's nice to chair. Chairing is nice. Right, Daddy?"

Which was cute and making us laugh. He meant "share" and "sharing," of course, and he really wanted some of that ice cream. We hadn't gotten him his own because he had already had a cone earlier in the evening.

So finally Shawn started trying to explain the difference.

Shawn: "You are sitting on the chair. Say chair."

Ben: "Chair."

Shawn: "We share the ice cream. Say share."

Ben "Chair."

Shawn: "No, sshhhh-are."

Ben: "Share."

Shawn: "Good job! So what do we do with the ice cream?"

Ben: "Eat it!"


May 3, 2009. Ben is 3.

Shawn got up and went into the kitchen for something. I was changing Ben's diaper and told him that we were going to try to beat Daddy.

Ben kept saying "I think daddy's going to win."

I joked "Where's the faith?"

Ben replied, "In my thumb."


May 11, 2009. Ben is 3.

We were going to a working farm to see and milk the cows there. I said to Ben, because I didn't think it had ever come up before, "Do you know where milk comes from? Milk comes from cows."

Ben said: "No it doesn't. It comes from a cup."


May 12, 2009. Ben is 3.

I was playing a computer game called "Magic Farm."

I had to grow, gather and water plants while fighting off garden pests and raise money and do quests etc. I had a little dragon "helper" who would help me do those things, but a pirate stole him and was holding him ransom.

Ben was watching me play and he knew there was supposed to be a dragon. He said "Where's your dragon?"

I said "the pirate stole him. And I have to get a lot of money to get him back."

Ben said: "Yeah? You can ask Daddy for money."


May 19, 2009. Ben is 3.

I needed Melissa for something, and I assumed she had gone up to her room on the third floor. I asked Ben if he would go upstairs to Melissa's room and tell her I wanted her.

He said "okay" and disappeared upstairs.

He came back a minute later and said, "She said she'll be down in a minute."

Just as I was thinking, 'wow, he's only 3 1/2, and he did such a good job with that task!'... I heard the toilet in the downstairs bathroom flush -here on the 1st floor- and Melissa walked out. She had been down here the whole time.


July 7, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 8 months old.

Ben said to me: "I'm going to marry you."

Me: "I'm already married."

Ben: "Hey! Daddy married you?!"

Me: "Yep."

Ben: "I wanted to marry you!"

I started laughing and picked him up and hugged him and kissed him and he pretended to kind of grab at me, and then he said: "I took your married out. Now you'll never be married!"


July 17, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 8 months old.

We were in the store and had just finished shopping, so I said to Ben, "okay, we're outta here!"

Ben: "yeah, let's leave this freakin place."

Me: "Ben! That wasn't nice, don't say that!"

He was very innocent and bewildered and asked "What? What did I say that I wasn't aposed ta?"

So I had to say: "freakin. That's not a nice word."

Ben: "Is Alexa allowed to say that?"

Me: "No."

Ben: "Only mommy and daddy can say that?"


July 21, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 8 months old.

Today we had cupcakes at a friend's house. Ben wanted a second one but I had told him no, that it was too much junk food. At home later in the evening he announced again that he wanted a cupcake. I said "we don't have any cupcakes here. Do you want a fortune cookie?" (we had had Chinese food for dinner).

He said: "No! I want junkin food!"


September 12, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 9 months old.

Me: "Hey Ben, what are we gonna do for your birthday?"

Ben: "You're gonna put on music and get a cake, with dinosaurs on it! And we can make ice cream. And have bottles of water."

Me: "Yeah? What else? Do you want to go anywhere fun for your birthday? Where should we go?

Ben: "To the mountains."

Me: "To the mountains?"

Ben: "Yeah. First we're gonna get in the car, and then we find a really tall hill and then we're gonna climb up it."


Mid September, 2009. Ben is 3 years and 9 months old.

Ben has had a big "boo boo" on his foot that has turned into a rather crusty scab. We were sitting on the couch and I had my feet up, and I was barefoot. Now my feet tend to be on the calloused side from so many years of walking around barefoot- apparently Ben discovered this as he suddenly said: "Oooh, Mommy! Your feet are crusty, too!"


10/3/09. Ben is nearly 4 years old.

While driving home from Friendly's tonight, where we'd gone for ice cream, Ben noticed that the moon was "following us." He was very interested in the moon tonight, so when we got home, we read "Goodnight Moon" for a bedtime story and then we sang our goodnight songs to the moon.

I said that we should sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" because the stars are the moon's best friends. I asked Ben if he wanted to sing it, and he said "No, you sing it."

I said okay.

He asked, "Can the moon hear us?"

I said, "Sure."

So he said loudly: "Moon, this is Mommy. She's going to sing you a song." :)


10/5/09. Ben is almost 4.

I took Ben to the doctor today. The doctor there is I think Indian and most of the time we see the physician's assistant who Ben calls by his first name. Ben isn't really familiar with the actual doctor's name (which is a foreign sounding one) and out of the blue he said to me: "Mommy, is the brown guy going to come?"

I told him the doctor's name, and he said "That's a silly name!"


10/5/09. Ben is almost 4.

Ben was walking around with just a shirt on as we're doing pretty well with potty training (finally), and I found that he remembered to use the potty more when he wasn't wearing a pull up or anything down below.

So this evening, out of the blue, he walked over to me and said, "Mommy I have balls in here!"

I looked at him, and he was trying to show me his testicles.

He continued, "I feel them in there!"

I thought it was kind of funny that he chose to use that particular word being as it is of course a common slang term for them. I called Shawn down so Ben could show him, too. We then explained to him that those are his testicles. He then wanted to know if everybody has them, and we informed him that only boys have them. (And, daddy stressed, "you have to be CAREFUL and GENTLE with them!")

(a few days later on 10/9/09 I was laying on the couch and he came and sat down on the edge of it next to me and said "Mommy, where's my other ball?" I said "What other ball?" I had no idea what he meant and thought he meant like one of his rubber balls that he plays with in the backyard. But he said "in there." And I looked and he was trying to find his other testicle.

So I told him that he does have two but that they are small and could be hard to find. Then I added: "And they are called testicles, not balls."

To which he replied matter-of-factly: "I call them balls."


10/9/09. Ben is almost 4 years old.

I am a list maker. I make lists for everything. Today, Ben said to me:

"Mommy, some day I'll go to school, right? We need to put it on the list."


10/10/09. Ben is almost 4 years old.

I was walking into the kitchen for a drink and Ben told me he was hungry. I told him "you're not getting anything until you clean up your mess" (He had blocks and legos and toys alllllll over the living room floor).

He said: "Well, you're not getting anything until you help!"


10/14/09. Ben is almost 4 years old.

Ben puts a "bee" sound in front of a lot of words. For instance, Computer is beeputer. Banana is beenana. Attack is beetack. And so on.

Today, after Ben had been in bed for a bit, he started calling down that he had to go potty (hooray for steadily progressing potty training). So I went up to take him into the bathroom.

He said: "I want daddy to pee with me" (apparently, according to Ben, they are "pee-pee buddies" and he gets a big kick out of it if they go pee at the same time. This has helped encourage potty-training).

I said, "Daddy's busy right now, you just go pee by yourself."

He said: "Can you go pee with me?"

I said "No, Mommy doesn't pee standing up."

He said: "Why, because you have a bee-gina?"


10/17/09. Ben is almost four years old.

Ben climbed up on my lap to give me a hug. I gave him a big hug and said:

Me: "you're the only boy I love to hug!"
Ben: "What about Alexa?"
Me: "Alexa's not a boy."
Ben: "What about Daddy?"
Me: "Well yes, but daddy's not a boy, he's a man."
Ben: "He doesn't have a bee-gina."
Me: "No, he doesn't."
Ben: "He has a penis."
Me: "Yes, he does."
Ben: "A big one."


10/17/09. Ben is almost four years old.

Ben, to Shawn: Did you ever have jelly babies? (candy)
Shawn: No, not yet.
Ben: Well, go poopie on the potty and then you can have one.


10/19/09. Ben is almost four years old.

Me: Ben, do you know how much I love you?
Ben: Yeah
Me: How much?
Ben: All the way to the moon?
Me: Yep.
Ben: Cool! (pause) That's very far.
Me: How much do you love me?
Ben: All the way to mountains!


10/20/09. Ben is almost four years old.

Tonight we were preparing for a "texture book" class we were going to have the next day. A couple of other kids from the homeschool group were coming over and we were going to make little books out of all different textured items. So we were gathering all the materials and making little piles on my desk. We had little pieces of felt, bubble wrap, craft fur, thin pieces of corkboard material, and various other things.

For some reason, Ben kept pointing to the corkboard and saying he wanted one, and I kept saying he was going to get it the next day to make his book. But he kept insisting he wanted it now, and he was starting to get upset, so Shawn said, "oh just let him have one."

So I said fine, handed him one...

....and he promptly bit it. And made the funniest face. He must have thought it was a cracker or something! :D


10/23/09. Ben is almost four years old.

Ben and I have been reading "Guess How Much I Love You." So we sometimes say things to each other like "I love you all the way to the moon" to each other. Sometimes Ben will say something like "I love you all the way to the mountains."

Today he asked me "Do you know how much I love you?"

I asked "How much?"

And he said: "All the way to my stomach! Do you love me all the way to your stomach?"


11/6/09. Ben is a day away from turning 4.

Shawn was getting Ben ready for bed, and Ben kept groping at his testicles. Shawn asked if he was alright and Ben said: "I can't find the other ball." (This is like the second time Ben has had that "concern").

Shawn assured him it was there.

And Ben commented: "I wonder what they look like, if we take them out of there."


11/13/09. Ben is four years old.

Alexa and Ben were finishing up in the kitchen when Ben called out to me very calmly and not sounding at all upset: "Mommy, Alexa just hit me three times. Come and hit her!"


11/23/09. Ben is four years old.

Ben wanted to play in Alexa's room but Alexa kicked him out and wouldn't let him stay in. So he came downstairs to complain to me about it.

Then he said, in a mad voice, "And Alexa always plays tricks on me! She tells me to go wait on the couch and she'll come down and then she goes back in her room! And they're darn-it tricks! I hate her tricks!"


12/9/09. Ben is four years old.

I asked Ben to do a favor for me and he resisted, so I tried a little reverse psychology by telling him he probably wasn't a big enough boy to do that job.

It didn't work, he just agreed.

"I'm not tall enough. I'm just five miles tall!"


12/13/09. Ben is four years old.

Ben got a new train set as one of his Hanukkah gifts. He was very excited to play with and set up the tracks. He wanted the little pamphlet that came with it, which according to him were the directions.

But what he actually said was: "Give me the erections!"


12/14/09. Ben is four years old.

I was cuddling Ben on the recliner in the living room a bit after he got home from a two hour guy-shopping excursion with his dad (Lowe's, Harbor Freight Tools and Sears) and I said to him:

Me: You are so stinkin' cute!
Ben: Stinkin? Did you say stinkin?
Me: Yep! I said you are so stinkin' cute!
Ben: I stink?
Me: Laughing. No, you don't stink. You're just so stinkin' cute!
Ben: How about you say I'm cute and lovely.
Me: Laughing more. Okay! You're cute and lovely!
Ben: Or I'm cute and you love me.
Me: You're cute and I love you!


12/15/09. Ben is four yeas old.

Ben was sitting on my lap. I wanted to call to Alexa who was up on the third floor. So I said to Ben, "cover your ears, I have to yell."

And I put my hands over his ears and yelled "ALLLLLEEEEXXXXXA!"

I then let go of his ears. He grinned at me and said: "Cover your ears, I have to yell, too!"

So I put my hands over my ears and he yelled: "ALLLLLLEEEEEXXXXXXA!"


1/14/10. Ben is four years old.

Shawn was leaving with Alexa to drop her off at Girl Scouts.

Ben tugged on Shawn’s shirt and said, “Hey, Daddy, when I’m five and I’m big, can *I* go to Girl Scouts?”


End of January, 2010. Ben is four years old.

I gave the kids glasses of milk with their dinner. I decided to put some ice cubes in for them. Ben got really excited when he saw that and said, “Ooh! Alexa! Look! We got icebergs in our milk!”


2/2/10. Ben is four years old.

Ben had just finished using the toilet, and he and I were washing our hands. He commented that it was good to wash our hands.

I said yes, because we don’t want to get germs!

And he said “yeah, and because we’re big boys!”


2/4/10. Ben is four years old.

Ben came up to me and said something like: “Mommy, I wanna know if I can have an A-S-T-O.”

I asked him “What does that spell?”

He said “I dunno. Can I have an H-I-S-Q?”

Laughing, I asked him what it was he wanted to have.

He replied “I wanna know if that spells applesauce.”

A short while later, I let him paint with watercolors at the kitchen table. When he was done he said to me, “Mommy, F-O. Do you know what that means?”

I said “No, what?”

He said: “It means that I am only going to paint five more times and then I’m done.”

He must get this from Alexa who likes to spell things out to us when she wants to ask for something that she’s not sure we’ll want Ben to overhear and ask for too!


Mid February, 2010. Ben is four years old.

We were driving in the car and Ben was looking out the window. He suddenly pointed to someone’s house address and said “It has a 2 and a 0 and an upside down 6!”


4/30/10. Ben is four years old.

Alexa mentioned something we did a few years ago, and Ben asked if he was there, too.

“No,” Alexa said, “You weren’t born yet. You were in Mommy’s tummy.”

“Oh,” Ben said. “You mean Mommy had a thing on her tummy and carried me?”

I figured he was talking about some sort of sling or baby carrier.

“No,” Alexa told him. “You were INSIDE Mommy’s tummy.”

“Oh. You mean, she ate me?”


5/5/10. Ben is four years old.

So this is sort of a continuation of the above story. I ended up buying a book called “You Were Born On Your Very First Birthday” to read to Ben about how a baby grows inside his mommy’s tummy- it doesn’t go into detail too in depth for a preschooler, mostly just focuses on how there is a special place where the baby grows and what it’s like in there and how eventually the baby is ready to come out and mentions “a narrow pathway, a special passageway just for you” or something like that.

Ben moved his hand over his own belly- moving it UPWARD- saying “you mean, like this?” I don’t know if he still thought I ate him and he’d come out of my mouth.

“Er, no,” I said. “You didn’t go up, you went down.” I gestured with my own hand on my own body.

“Oh,” he said. “You mean I came out of your penis.”

“Uh…no, I don’t have a penis. I’m not a boy.”

“Oh! You mean I came out of your butt!”


Third week of May, 2010. Ben is four years old.

Ben wanted me to sign him into Webkinz so he could play. Instead of asking me to type in his user name, he asked me to type in his loser name.


10/28/10. Ben is nearly 5 years old.

Ben said, “I wish I was a grownup. Then Alexa would be the only kid and you’ll have less kids to take care of.” I said, “But I love taking care of my kids. I’m glad you’re a kid!” and he said, “Well, then we can buy new kids!”


12/20/10. Ben is 5 years old.

We were eating pineapple for a snack, and Alexa commented that she just eats the seeds if she comes across one.

I joked, "then a pineapple tree will grow in your stomach."

She knew I was kidding, but I then said to Ben: "Hey, Ben, can a pineapple tree really grow in your stomach?"

"No," he said.

"Why not?" (I wondered what his logic would be).

"Because I don't eat the seeds."


12/28/10. Ben is 5 years old.

Shawn gave Ben some goat cheese to sample for the first time today. After telling him it was goat cheese, Ben replied: "Oh, it's the kind a goat lays!"


12/28/10. Ben is 5 years old.

We gave Ben a chicken drumstick at dinner tonight. He got excited and said, "Yay! I got a bonestick!"


12/28/10. Ben is 5 years old.

Ben was pretending to be a ninja, although he calls it an "inja." He repeated something he'd heard me say earlier, which was: "I'm a ninja. You can't see me."

Ben's version?

"I'm a inja. I can't see!"


1/3/11. Ben is 5 years old.

As he was being tucked into bed, he said to Shawn and I: "I think about my family every day. I'm going to dream about my mommy and daddy. I'm going to dream about you every night until you die. You're going to die even if no-one kills you."


1/11. Ben is 5 years old.

"Mommy, I think when we get gray hair, we should have fun before we die. We should go to Chuck E. Cheese and play there until we die." (Yes, the last two entries were about dying- I remember Alexa starting to first talk and worry about death when she was five, too... Ben seems to be talking about it more lately, but when he talks about it, he seems more matter-of-fact and conversational than Alexa did at the same age- she seemed more worried).


2/13/11. Ben is 5 years old.

"There are different neckworks on TV. Like Nick, Jr.; Disney...."


3/7/11. Ben is 5 years old.

"Oh, man! I don't wanna save my appetite til dinner! What if I get starved?! And then I get starvener?!? And then I die?!?!?"


3/7/11. Ben is 5 years old.

While driving in the car, Ben looked at the speedometer and said, "You're going 70 fast, Daddy."


3/11. Ben is 5 years old.

He got out of his bed and came and crawled into mine, getting in the middle of where Shawn and I were laying watching TV. He announced that he just wanted to cuddle for a minute. While getting comfortable, he somehow managed to poke me in the eye.

"Ow!" I said. "I think I might be blind!"

He turned and looked at me, and said seriously, "If you're blind, you can get a guide dog." (We'd gone to see a guide dog presentation a few months ago).

"Uh, yeah, I guess I can."

He leaned forward, putting his face close to mine. "Can you see me?"


"Then you don't need a guide dog.


3/11. Ben is 5 years old.

"Mommy, I know another word for getting married. PROM!"


3/11. Ben is 5 years old.

"We should give money to poor people who have tomatoes."

(It took a while, but I finally realized he meant tornadoes).


3/11. Ben is 5 years old.

Ben had had his very first teeball practice, and I had taken some video to show Daddy, who had to work. As we were watching he videos, a little boy who we don't really know well yet came into view, and Shawn asked: "Who's that?"

Ben replied, "His name's Hustle."

haha! I had to explain that, no, his name isn't Hustle. The coach tells lots of kids to hustle. It just means to hurry up.


3/22/11. Ben is 5 years old.

We were driving in the car together, and Ben started telling me about how he'd watched a show (which neither his father, sister or I knew anything about) where on the dark side of the island, they had 60 pound mosquitoes. And if you got bit by one of these mosquitoes, you'd get bug eyes, a pumpkin head, a bubble butt and big ears.

He then proceeded to tell me, very matter-of-factly, "I'm glad we don't have 60 pound mosquitoes, because I wouldn't want bug eyes, a pumpkin head, a bubble butt and big ears."


4/11. Ben is 5 years old.

We were watching White Fang. We were at the part where they were going to stay overnight at the Indian village to rest.

Ben: The Indians have to hunt for their food, right?

Me: Yep.

Ben: They do karate right?

Me: Uh, no.


4/19/11. Ben is 5 years old.

Me: Hey, Ben, when you grow up and you have kids, do you want them to be homeschooled or go to regular school?

Ben, Age 5: Go to regular school.

Me: Why?

Ben, Age 5: Because what if they beg me to do things? That would be annoying!

Me: What do you mean??

Ben, Age 5: Like, what if they ask me to buy them things?

Me: So you want them to go to school so they don't beg you to buy them things?

Ben, Age 5: Yes! That would be annoying, wouldn't it?


5/10/11 - Ben is 5 1/2 years old.

We were on our way to a field trip when the breeze carried the heavy scent of cow manure into our open car windows. Ben commented on the smell, and I told him what it was. I then said:

If you were a farmer, and you lived and worked on a farm, you'd have to smell that all the time. You'd probably be used to it though and wouldn't really notice it.

He replied:

If I was a farmer and lived and worked on a farm, I would move out.


5/20/11 - Ben is 5 1/2 years old.

We were letting Ben eat lunch at his little table in the living room while we watched TV- something we normally don't allow. Shawn told Ben to be sure to eat over his plate/the table because the carpet can't be easily cleaned.

Ben stood up, looked at Shawn, and said: "You can look to save money with Oxiclean, you know!" He then added: "Oxiclean is stronger than regular!"

"Regular what?" Shawn asked.

"I don't know."

That settles it. We DO let the kids watch too much TV!


6/2/11 - Ben is 5 1/2 years old.

Ben: “If you cut somebody in half could you get to the heart?”

Me: “I guess so.”
Ben: “If you ate the heart, could you get more life?”

Me: “Ew. No.”

Ben: “Why?”

Me: “Because it doesn't work that way.”

Ben: “What would a heart taste like?”

Me: “I don't know because I never ate one and I never would. And I wouldn't cut somebody.”
Ben: “What if it was a bear?”

Me: “No.”

Ben: “I would take the bear heart and put it in a jar so I could look at it because it's red and shiny. Wouldn't you?”

Me: “No.”
Ben: “Do you want to know what color my heart is? It's a weird color. It's green, I can tell.”


6/6/11 - Ben is 5 1/2 years old.

Ben: "If you were wearing a blue shirt and spaghetti sauce got on it, it's just like a sunset, so it doesn't matter, right?"


6/29/11 - Ben is 5 1/2 years old.

Alexa was trying to explain something to Ben, and after several attempts, he still didn't get it. Finally, with a sigh, he said to her, "I'm not supposed to get it. I'm only five."


7/4/11 - Ben is 5.8 years old.

He commented to us out of the blue one day, "I have a girlfriend on Wizard 101. Her name is Ashley. She has Meteor Strike."


7/19/11 - Ben is 5.8 years old.

We were driving home from an evening archery class at a friend's house and decided to stop at the grocery store on the way home for a few things we needed. It was nearly 10 by the time we'd finished packing the groceries and kids into the car to head home. As I was buckling myself in, Ben said to me, "Mommy, if you hear any whining, it's because I'm tired."


8/9/11 - Ben is 5.9 years old.

I had given Ben a cup of chocolate milk and four 'Nilla Wafer cookies for a snack. When Alexa asked if she could have what Ben was having, I told her yes, to fix herself the chocolate milk and take "a few cookies." A minute later, Ben came in and asked, "Is Alexa allowed to have five cookies?! She has five!" I told him that he should worry about himself instead of his sister and that he should just go inside and eat his snack.

He went back into the kitchen, whereupon I overheard him say to his sister: "She said you're only allowed to have four."


8/9/11 - Ben is 5.9 years old.

He said to me, "I'm kind of like a Daddy, because I have a wallet."


8/14/11 - Ben is 5.9 years old.

He informed me that daddy said he could play "Shitty Sheeds" on my computer. I made him repeat it three times. He was definitely saying "Shitty Sheeds." Finally, I went over and looked myself. Uh, yeah, he wanted to play "City Siege."


8/31/11 - Ben is 5.9 years old.

I was reading a book called "My Body, Your Body" for "health" and read about how the "behind" is the biggest muscle a person has. Which prompted Ben to ask:

"So, you mean, you can attack someone with your butt?"


11/15/11 - Ben is 6 years old.

I was sitting at my computer and Ben was sitting on the floor behind me, petting the cat. There ensued a hilarious conversation that went like this:

Cat: Meeeoooowww (sounding unhappy)
Me: Ben, leave the cat alone.
Ben: She's such a liar!
Yes, apparently- Ben speaks Cat! Who knew! 


1/11/12 - Ben is 6 years old.

As we were cuddling at night before bed, reading a bedtime story and idly chatting
Ben suddenly said to me, "I hope when I'm a grownup you're old and not dead. 
'Cause you'll either be old or dead and I hope it's old so I can keep loving you!"


1/18/12 - Ben is 6 years old.

He's been playing House of Anubis on nick.com.  Except, when he told me what he
was playing, it sounded like he said "House of a Nudist."


3/5/12 - Ben is 6 years old.

I was reading him a story called The High-Rise Private Eyes, The Case of the Troublesome Turtle. In the story a young turtle stole some balloons from outside of a toy store because they were the colors of his school's football team and he wanted to bring them to the game to cheer his team on. The detectives who solved the case didn't want to scare the young turtle or make him cry because "he's just a kid," so they decided to leave him a note in a cup of popcorn. It said: "Please don't take balloons from the toy store, or you know what. Santa Clause."

Ben said to me, "He gave them back because he didn't want to be on Santa's naughty list. I'm always on the good list because I don't celebrate Christmas. I celebrate Hanukkah. That's the power of Hanukkah!"


5/12 - Ben is 6 1/2 years old.

I took Ben to the park, and he commented to me: "I don't know what I would ever do without you! If you weren't alive, I wouldn't be at the park- I'd be at Daddy's shop!"


5/12 - Ben is 6 1/2 years old.

My mother was babysitting and poured Ben a bowl of cereal. Some splattered on him from the full gallon, and as she was wiping him off, he commented: "Surprisingly refreshing."


5/28/12 - Ben is 6 1/2 years old.

We were at the lake for Memorial Day, and at the end of the day, as we dropped our trash off at the dumpster, Shawn exclaimed over two clean, almost new-looking, full-sized oven racks that someone had thrown away. Alexa commented that "One man's trash is another man's treasure," to which Ben replied, "It could have been a girl who threw it away."


6/26/12 – Ben is 6 ½ years old.

The kids started playing “Would You Rather?” during a car drive. Ben asked Alexa, "Would you rather paint the whole store orange or be a homey?" It sounded funny and I asked him if he knew what a homey was. He just looked at me grinning so I said, “A homey is a friend.”

He said, “Ohh, I thought it was someone who is houseless!”

I said, “No that's homeless.”

Alexa said, “That's a hobo.”


June 28, 2012 – Ben is 6 ½ years old

This morning, I gave Ben toast for breakfast.

Ben: This is good! It tastes like British toast!

Me: What do you mean, British toast?!

Ben: It tastes British!

Me: How do you know?

Ben: Because it's good, like an English muffin!


August 15, 2012 - Ben is 6 3/4 years old.

We were going into a restaurant at a hotel we were staying at. Alexa announced that she was going to be on her best behavior. To which Ben responded, "I don't think I have a best behavior!"


November 7, 2012 - Ben is 7 years old.

In the shower, in between a whole lot of humming, I heard Ben say to himself, "Wow. Taking a shower is more fun than I thought." Followed by, "I'm pretty sure I'm as clean as a cat after she licks herself."


November, 2012 - Ben is 7 years old.

We were discussing bears and the fact that they hibernate. I asked Ben if he knew what "hibernate" meant, and he said, "It's like when you evacuate to Florida to stay warm." (He meant migrate).


February 10, 2013 - Ben is 7 years old.

My mother had taken the kids to Michael's to do a Valentine's Day craft activity, although Ben is not a big fan of crafts. While they were there, he told her he was going to "get" her something for Valentine's Day. She told him to "make" her something, not "get" her something, and he replied: "No, that's too much work. It's easier if my parents give me $10.00 and I buy you something."


March, 2013 - Ben is 7 years old.

Random comment: "When I grow up, I'm going to find a job that's not dangerous, and do it."

As your mom, Ben, I approve!




Shawn - 40, Husband, Dad, Tattoo Artist, Body Piercer, Business Owner, Saltwater Aquarium Enthusiast, Cook, Mr. Fix-It.

Nance - 41, Wife, Homeschooling Mom, Bookworm, Writer, Field Tripper, List Maker, Planner, Chauffeur.

Melissa - 22, Special Needs. Is in a sheltered workshop/life skills day program. Likes music, movies, shopping, and reading.

Alexa - 14, Left public school in March of 2009 and has been home since, happily homeschooling with Oak Meadow and an eclectic mix of other things. Currently in 8th grade. Enjoys reading, writing, art, singing and music, theater/performing, doing her nails, and sleepovers with friends.

Ben - 9, Has never been to any outside school. Currently doing 3rd grade at home. Enjoys computer, video and board games, especially Minecraft and shooter games, silly jokes, soccer, rough-housing, and occasional cuddling and reading.

Adelaide - 15 months and my little ray of sunshine. :) Enjoys pointing at things, chasing the cat, trying to pull all the books off my bookshelves, eating, playing, and snuggling.

We are a relaxed/eclectic, secular homeschooling family living in Pennsylvania and thoroughly enjoying Life Without School!


Alexa is using: Oak Meadow 8 Civics; Oak Meadow 8 English; Oak Meadow Basic Physical Science; Story of the World Middle Ages; and Teaching Textbooks Math Pre-Algebra.

Ben is loosely using the Oak Meadow 3rd Grade curriculum (minus the math), Teaching Textbooks Math 3, and Reading Eggspress.

I've always been a fairly relaxed homeschooler. While I've buckled down more this year with my 8th grader, in general we do school around life, not life around school. We use mainly a fun, hands on curriculum that isn't overly time consuming and isn't dry or textbookish, and we're always willing to drop it for the time being if something fun, interesting, or educational comes up outside the house. Living is learning!


Welcome To My Blog!


The ABCs Of Relaxed Homeschooling

A Perfect Day

Affidavits, Objectives & Samples, Oh My!

A Kindergarten Dropout

Homeschooling, A Year Later

Preschool Or Not?

I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way

A Day In The Life Of A New Homeschooler

Homeschool Poem

What Does A Homeschooler Do Every Day?

What Does A Homeschooler Do Every Day Part 2

What About Socialization?

Why Homeschool?!

Dear Judy Molland

What I Really Mean When I Say I Homeschool


Funnix Beginning Reading Program Review

Getting Started With Spanish Review

Growing, Growing Strong Review

Insect Lore Negative Review

Life of Fred Math Review

Little Passports Review

Meet The Masters Review

Movie Review: Snowmen

Oak Meadow Review

Sentence Composing For Elementary School Review

Story Of The World Review

Teaching Textbooks Math Review

Times Tales Review

Typing Instructor For Kids Platinum Review


Alexa's Third Grade Book Log

Alexa's Fourth Grade Book Log

Alexa's Fifth Grade Book Log

Alexa's Sixth Grade Book Log, Year 1

Alexa's Sixth Grade Book Log, Year 2

Alexa's Seventh Grade Book Log

Alexa's Eighth Grade Book Log

Ben's Pre-K Book Log

Ben's Kindergarten Book Log

Ben's First Grade Book Log

Ben's Second Grade Book Log

Ben's Third Grade Book Log


Oak Meadow Kindergarten Schedule Sample, With Pics

Oak Meadow 4th Grade Schedule Sample, With Pics

Oak Meadow 5th Grade Schedule Sample, With Pics

Our 6th Grade Stretched Over Two Years Plan

Some Of Our Most Fun/Interesting Projects & Activities, Oak Meadow 5th Grade


Homeschool Affidavit

Homeschool Objectives, Elementary and Secondary Level

Homeschool Portfolio, UPDATED

Summary, To Include With Portfolio, Example 1

Summary, To Include With Portfolio, Example 2

Standardized Test Results


Books Featuring Homeschooled Characters, Titles A-I

Books Featuring Homeschooled Characters, Titles J-R

Books Featuring Homeschooled Characters, Titles S-Z

52 Books In 52 Weeks, Mom & Daughter Style, 2011

Homeschooling Quotes & Funnies

Our Fresh Air Fund Experience

Funny Things Alexa Has Said

Funny Things Ben Has Said

My Favorite Links

How I Got Alexa's Eczema Under Control!

My TTC, Pregnancy, and Miscarriage Saga, PART 1

My TTC, Pregnancy, and Miscarriage Saga, PART 2

My TTC, Pregnancy, and Miscarriage Saga, Part 3

The Family Who Wouldn't Change The Toilet Paper


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