FUNNY THINGS ALEXA HAS SAID---
When we first moved out to the area we live in now, Alexa was a little over 3 1/2 years old.
We were setting up the alarm system in Shawn's shop. He was working on the motion detector trying to figure out where to position it.
I said to him, "Why don't you have Alexa walk in front of it and see if she sets the alarm off."
Shawn kept fiddling with it, and I noticed that Alexa had gotten very quiet. I looked down at her and she seemed worried. I asked her what was wrong and she said:
"I don't want you to take my arm off." It took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. Then I realized that's what she'd heard when I mentioned setting the alarm off.
I gave Alexa some milk.
Alexa: "You forgot daddy's milk!"
Me: "Shawn, would you like some milk?"
Alexa, as I went to get it: "I ordered it for you, Daddy."
July 29, 2005
Alexa had been learning about how the meat we eat and the milk we drink comes from animals.
Today she asked me what animal toast comes from.
Alexa, at 5 1/2 years of age, made a cake with minimal help from Daddy. We left it to cool and a little later Alexa asked if she could call her aunt and uncle and cousins who live on the other side of town to say hi.
She called them up and then out of the blue, she started inviting all of them over to have some of her cake. She went on and on about how delicious it was going to be and how she'd made it by herself and how she really wanted them to come over and try it.
Unable to turn her down, they said they'd come over later that evening.
Shawn and I couldn't stop laughing.
Because it was like a THREE INCH EASY BAKE OVEN CAKE!
Needless to say, we picked up Dunkin' Donuts, too.
Alexa was playing on the living room floor with Ben. I picked Ben up to nurse him because we were getting ready to go out and I wanted to feed him first.
Alexa stood up, put her hands on her hips, looked at me and said haughtily:
"Excuse me! I am the queen of England. And THAT (pointing at Ben) is the king, and he does NOT need breast drinks!"
Somewhere around 9/06, when Alexa was in Kindergarten, she really loved library. She would bring home books and one time, early in the school year, I asked her: "What book did you bring home today?"
She replied: "I don't know, I can't read!"
Alexa was 6 and I was singing the Hokey Pokey for her.
After we'd finished doing all of the body parts, I stopped singing.
Alexa: "Do more!"
Me: "That's it, we did everything."
Alexa: (thinks for a second) "Oh, I know! We can put our vaginas in!"
Me: "Er...vaginas are private, and I don't think we should sing about them in the Hokey Pokey!"
Alexa (age 6) wandered into our bedroom one morning as we were in the process of waking up.
Shawn, patting the bed between us: "Come here, Baby."
Alexa: "I'm not a baby."
Shawn: "I know. But you'll always be my baby."
Alexa: "And I'm your princess too, right?"
Shawn: "You're my everything."
Alexa: "Even your toast?"
Shawn: "You're my toast AND my orange juice"
One day, in April 2007, six year old Alexa was lying on the floor on her back, and Ben, who was still just a toddler, came over and plopped himself down on her belly. I heard:
Alexa: "Ow! My nuts!"
Me: "What did you say?"
Alexa: "I said, my nuts!"
Me: "...what are nuts?"
Alexa: "My front privates."
Me: "Did you hear a boy in school say that?"
Alexa: "Yeah, Nathan!!"
Me: "Ah...well nuts is a slang word that boys use for their privates, it's not really something a girl would say!"
June, 2007. Alexa is still 6.
We had a playdate over at our house.
One of the boys who came over was a year older than Alexa. After he left:
Alexa: "Mommy, when Shaun is 8, I'll be 7."
Me: "Yes, that's right."
Alexa: "And when I'm 20, he'll be 21. And when I'm 1,000, he'll be dead."
June, 2007, Alexa is 6.
Alexa was sitting on the living room floor reading a book she'd taken out from the school library. Ben came over and tried to grab it and ripped a page right out of it. Alexa burst into tears, very upset, and started yelling and sobbing:
HE RIPPED MY LIBRARY BOOK!! And I'M going to have to P-p-PAY for it! And I don't even have any m-m-MONEY!
On Sunday, June 17th, 2007, when Alexa was still 6 years old, we went to the lake. Alexa was wearing her orange swim floaties. Another little girl started talking to her and asked her if she wanted to have a race.
And I heard Alexa say: "I can't move fast with these god-damn floaties on!"
In the beginning of July, 2007 (Alexa was 6), we drove past a big billboard with a picture of Kermit The Frog on it.
Alexa's seen Kermit on Sesame Street and even had two different stuffed animal Kermits. I guess I took for granted she knew exactly who he was, including his correct name...until we passed that billboard and she said excitedly:
"Mommy! Did you see that? It was a big picture of Hermity Frog!"
July 20, 2007. Alexa is 6.
Alexa: "Mommy, who was born first, you or Daddy?"
Me: "I was."
Alexa: "Oh. So then you were the first one to take care of me."
July 30, 2007. Alexa is 6.
Shawn's mom came to visit for the week from Florida. We took her out to lunch and Alexa said to her:
"I'm glad you're still alive."
Later I asked her why she said that and she said: "Because she's very old!"
August 4, 2007. Alexa is still 6.
Shawn and I took Alexa out to dinner with relatives. Alexa started telling us a story she'd learned about Amelia Earhardt in school. After explaining about how the plane disappeared and was never found, she informed us quite seriously that:
"All they found was a shoe, a bone, and a bitten nail."
We all could not stop laughing over the thought of finding a chewed off fingernail and saying it was Amelia Earhardt's!
August 13, 2007. Alexa is 6.
We were allhanging out in the living room and Shawn and I started rough-housing a little bit with each other and the kids.
Alexa suddenly said: "Don't make me turn this into a houseparty!"
August 15, 2007. Alexa is 6.
I asked Alexa to help me straighten up and she immediately volunteered to sweep the kitchen floor. She spent a LONG time doing so. Finally I told her to stop sweeping and she said:
"But sweeping is my life!"
August 19, 2007. Alexa is 6.
Alexa held up her two middle fingers and said to me:
"Mommy, is this a curse?"
I said, "yes...I don't know why, but it is. And you better not do that in school, or you would get sent to the principal's office and get a demerit."
She said, "I don't do it in school! I only do it in my room when I'm by myself at night!"
August 20, 2007. Alexa is 6.
Alexa and Melissa were bickering and being generally annoying while we were out doing some errands. We finally told them they were going to get a time out when we got home.
In the car on the way home, Alexa kept making loud noises while her baby brother was asleep. I told her to stop, and she did it two more times. So I told her she had to lose her dessert tonight, too.
A few minutes later she said to us:
"I figured out why you guys take things away from us. ...To torture us."
September 30, 2007. Alexa is just about to turn 7.
We had a brief conversation about God tonight. It started with her asking me whether a couple of actors were real. I said yes. Then she asked if God was real.
I said, "Well, what do YOU believe? A lot of people believe God is real. I believe God is real."
She said she did, too.
Then Melissa said, "What about Jesus?"
Now, Melissa's father and his family are Catholic, and Melissa has been raised Catholic (celebrating the Catholic holidays while she's with her father and even attending a small, private, special needs school that happens to be Catholic).
Alexa, on the other hand, is being raised Jewish.
She said: "He's not part of our reunion."
(She meant "religion")
October 3, 2007. Alexa Has Just Turned 7.
Alexa was playing with a new doll. It was almost dinner time and Melissa asked if she could go upstairs.
I said, "No, I need you to watch Ben for me so I can finish getting dinner ready."
Melissa asked if Alexa had to help watch Ben, too.
Alexa immediately said, referring to her doll, "No, I'm already watching my baby! I can't take care of two babies!"
I said to her, "Well what if you had twins?"
To which she replied, "If I had twins, I'd give one to the neighbor!"
October 4, 2007. Alexa is 7.
Alexa came home from school and said "We played Hangman today. I was the hooker."
(Upon further inquiry, she called herself "the hooker" because she was the one who hooked the hangman up to be hung).
October 4, 2007. Alexa is 7.
Our next door neighbor left a birthday present for Alexa. So after she got home, Alexa went over to say thank you. I heard her ask "Can I come in?" as she got there.
When she came back (with a bottle of water and a baggie of chocolate), I told her she'd been gone for a while and that she was supposed to go over there to say thank you, not to invite herself in for a drink and a snack.
Alexa: "She said I could come in!"
Me: "Yes, because you asked her 'can I come in'."
Alexa, laughing: "You're an ear dropper!"
instead of eavesdropper)
October 23, 2007. Alexa is 7.
Alexa was looking at the tag on a stuffed teddy bear and said to me: "Why are all my toys made in China?"
October 24, 2007. Alexa is 7.
Alexa asked if she could watch Ghostbusters with Melissa. I said No, she asked why, and I explained that she was too young and would find it scary.
Melissa chimed in with, "and it has bad words in it."
Alexa: "You mean like F - U - C - K?"
After I expressed disapproval, she said "What?? Spelling it is better than saying it!!")
October 28, 2007. Alexa is 7.
Shawn and I were joking around with each other. I said something and then told Alexa to say "right" and agree with me.
Shawn started joking around telling her not to.
Apparently we got her confused. She finally just put both hands up to hold her head and said "Ask me when I'm 13!"
This year, Alexa calls "minimizing" the computer screen "mini sizing."
10/31/07. Alexa is 7.
We went Trick or Treating.
One lady gave out a nickel and a piece of candy to each trick or treater. Alexa was a little ahead of us and came running back yelling excitedly: "Mommy! Mommy! That house is giving away pieces of money!"
Another neighbor told her she had a cool hat (purple, flowery; she was a hippie this year) and said "Can I borrow it some time?"
Alexa said: "Ew, no, I don't want to get lice!"
12/24/07. Alexa is 7.
I challenged Shawn to a "Biggest Loser" type challenge and said we should make a deal where we compete to see who can lose the biggest percentage of body weight in a certain amount of time and that the winner would get some sort of prize like getting to choose a mini vacation.
Alexa said to Shawn, "I can give you a tip on how to win!" -she then whispered to him "eat less!"
12/26/07. Alexa is 7.
I suggested pizza for dinner. Alexa gave her usual reaction, which was, "Ohhhh, I don't want pizza!"
I joked that she must be the only kid in the world who doesn't like pizza.
She then said she wanted Chinese food, instead. While I thought about it for a moment, she said: "Oh, come on, you must be the only adult in the world who doesn't want Chinese food tonight!"
1/8/08. Alexa is 7 and in 2nd Grade. She was in Public School then.
We were walking home from the bus stop this afternoon.
Alexa: "Gabriel said he loves my boots. But I think he made a mistake and meant to say he LIKES my boots."
Me: "Maybe he does love your boots."
Alexa: "He can't be in love with boots."
Me: "Maybe he meant...." (I was going to say "maybe he meant he really likes your boots")
Alexa, interrupting: "...That he loves ME? That would be terrible!" (pause) "I'm not ever getting married until I find a boy I like and who likes me. And he has to like the things I like, and I have to like the things he likes. Then we'd be even. And we could get married and have babies. Unless he already has a wife. Then he'd say 'woman, I'm already married,' and then I'd run off."
Not "funny" but cute: 1/19/08
Alexa, age 7, wrote Shawn and I a letter which said:
"Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I just wanted to say that I love you very very much and your the best parents I could ever have and I think youre doing a good job being parents. Love, Alexa P.S. youre the best"
1/08. Alexa is 7.
Alexa went to the grocery store with Shawn. He (who is following along with me at home as I do the Weight Watchers diet) apparently got tempted by some Fudge Stripe cookies and almost bought them.
Alexa helped out by saying to him: "Don't do it, Daddy! You're on a diet!"
... or not, by then saying to him: "But if you get them, you have to share them with me!"
2/15/08. Alexa is 7.
I was getting some money from a fireproof box we keep in Shawn's computer room so that I could get a couple of things at the store. Alexa saw me and said "what are you doing in daddy's room?"
I said, "getting money for the store."
And she said: "Are you allowed to do that?" lol...ugh. She needed to immediately learn that just because I am a stay-at-home mom, that does not mean all money is Daddy's1
I was starting dinner and Alexa asked for a snack. I said no, as I was making dinner.
Alexa: "Ben gets to have a snack."
Me: "He's two. You're old enough to wait."
To which she pitifully replied "No, I'm not. I'm only seven. I'm not a teenager."
2/28/08. Alexa is 7.
After having had asked me for a couple of things already:
Alexa: "Can you get me a glass of milk too?
Me, kidding around: "Why do you keep asking me for things?!"
Alexa: "I'm just trying to stay alive! You don't want me to die, do you?!"
Me: "You're not going to die if you don't get a glass of milk right now."
Alexa: "I NEED it for my bones, you know!"
3/2/08. Alexa is 7.
Alexa lost another baby tooth. We put it in her little tooth fairy pillow and put it under her pillow as always. In the middle of the night, Shawn went up to deposit the "tooth fairy money"- which is pretty generous, we've been giving her $5.00 per tooth!
He found a note from Alexa to the tooth fairy saying: "please give me more than $5.00"!!!
So Shawn gave her $5.01.
He and I thought that was funny, but Alexa was really happy that she got that extra penny :)
3/22/08. Alexa is 7.
"Mom you know what you should make? Pancake puffs. You can put all kinds of things inside them. like:
and you can use them for special occasions like a birthday party."
Then she announces "This is all real, Mommy. I'm serious. I saw it on a commercial."
4/2/08. Alexa is 7.
As we were walking home from the bus stop and crossing a street, Alexa said quite cheerfully to me: "Look both ways or die! That's the rule!"
4/08. Alexa is 7.
Alexa: "Mommy, what's that word...when you win something really big."
Me: "the lottery?"
Me: "Oh, I know. I'll give you a hint. It starts with a J."
Me: "Close. You got the Jack part right, but it's not box."
Alexa: "Give me another hint."
Me: "Okay....you cook in it."
4/8/08. Alexa is 7.
My aunt sent Alexa a few books, including "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing."
Alexa was only in 2nd grade and I said to her "Maybe you should wait until you're in fourth grade to read that book."
Alexa: "No, I'm too young to wait!"
Me: "What does that mean?"
Alexa: "It means I don't have any patience."
4/12/08. Alexa is 7.
I was brushing Alexa's hair as we were getting ready to go out to the library for a used book sale. Alexa immediately started with the "ow, ow, that hurts, ow" stuff, so I bribed her:
Me: Look, I'll make you a deal. If you don't whine, pout, cover your head with your hands or yell ow every two seconds, I'll let you buy some books at the library."
Alexa, immediately straightening up: "Okay! Can I have a lollipop too?"
Alexa: "How about, can we go out to dinner, and I pick where we go?"
Alexa: "Why? It's not like we're poor!"
Me: "Being poor has nothing to do with it."
Alexa: "Yes it does. Because if you're poor you have no money and you can't go out. And you'd have to be a farmer."
Me: "A farmer?"
Alexa: "Yep and you'd have to sell your crops and then you'd get rich and have money and then you could buy things."
5/2/08. Alexa is 7.
I told Alexa she had to go to bed. She asked if she could watch TV for a while, saying it wasn't a school night. I told her, jokingly, that I was going to think of a number from one to one thousand and if she could guess the number I'd let her watch TV. She guessed "55" and I told her that was right (I would have told her it was right regardless of what she'd guessed).
Shawn, of course, knew this, and he started saying I was lying and just telling her she was right, and that the odds were one in a thousand that she'd actually guess it.
I told him to stop being negative. He said he wasn't being negative, he was just explaining the odds to her.
I said, "She's seven, she doesn't need to know about odds."
And Alexa piped in: "I know odds! 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11....."
5/19/08. Alexa is 7.
We were sitting at a TGIF's restaurant with another couple having dinner.
Alexa was doing one of the kids' menu activities, which was seeing how many words you could make out of a longer word, and she suddenly asked: "Mommy, is 'gay' a word?"
After a brief pause, I replied, "Yes, it means happy."
To which my friend replied "and in California, it means ecstatic." - being as a law was just approved in California to allow gay marriages.
5/22/08. Alexa is 7.
Shawn bought me a Wii Fit yesterday and I let Alexa try it out after school today. But shortly into it Melissa reminded her that Shawn had told them both to clean their rooms right after school. So the conversation went like this:
Me: Did Daddy tell you to clean your room after school?
Me: Oh, then you better go clean it.
Alexa: Aww can't I do it later?
Me: No, you have girl scouts later, you won't have time.
Alexa: Can't I just tell him that I forgot??
6/08. Alexa is 7.
We were in line at the deli counter at the supermarket where I was buying ham and turkey.
Alexa: "Can we get bologna? Bologna is familiar to ham."
Me: "Do you mean similar?"
Alexa: "Yeah. What does familiar mean, anyway?"
Me: "Familiar means...like something or someone you know. That would mean you're familiar with it."
Alexa: "Well I'm familiar with bologna AND I'm familiar with ham. Because I know bologna and I know ham."
6/25/08. Alexa is 7.
As we were driving, Alexa said to me: "When I grow up, I'm going to earn a house with someone to work for me. Like a maid. How do you get a maid, anyway?"
Me: "You hire one- you pay someone to come work for you and clean your house."
Alexa: "Well, I'm not going to be mean, either. If she does a good job, I'm going to let her go on vacation. Like take a week off and go somewhere."
Me: "Will you pay her for the days she doesn't work?"
Alexa: "I'll pay her for the days she works. I'll pay her $20.00. Would that be good?"
Me: "$20.00 for how long? Like, how often will you give her $20.00?"
Alexa: "Like for a week. And if she does a good job, I'll give her $30.00, like every 14 days."
6/29/08. Alexa is 7.
We were wrapping presents for my twin nephews' 5th birthday. Alexa was watching.
Alexa: "Why don't you just use ribbon to wrap presents, instead of tape? That would be easier."
Me: "Actually it really wouldn't be easier."
Alexa: "For me it would be. All you have to do is go to the store and buy ribbon...."
Me, jokingly: "So it's easier to go to the store and buy ribbon than it is to grab the tape off the shelf?"
Alexa: "Well you get it ahead of time. The day my kids are born I'm going to go to the store and get ribbon so then I'll have it for all the birthdays."
Me: "You're going to go to the store to buy ribbon the day your kids are born?"
Alexa: "Yep. I'll ask someone to babysit them. Just for a minute. And I'll go to the store and buy ribbon."
May 16, 2009. Alexa is 7.
We were driving in the car when Alexa said "Oh, I found a quarter, but it's under the seat!"
She started trying to bend down to the floor to get this quarter.
I said to her, "Alexa, you have to sit up properly in the car with your seatbelt on the right way, or else it isn't safe and your seatbelt can't protect you properly if we get into an accident. And a quarter isn't worth that, trust me."
Alexa, with the infinite wisdom of an eight year old, replied: "But at least the quarter would help you pay for the hospital if I got hurt."
7/18/09 – Alexa is 7.
We visited Quiet Valley Living Historical Farm. Staff dressed in period clothing would re-enact life in the old days. In each building, a different person would talk to us about the room and the things they did there. We saw how they might make toast way back when, how they used coals for cooking, how it took so long to make candles that only burned for 20 minutes, how they kept warm in the winter and different things like that.
One girl kept talking about her "sister in law, Cara" and saying how she couldn't cook and how she'd burned a cake she was trying to make because she didn't cool the coals off enough or some such.
Ben, three years old, spoke up and said aloud to the room, "My mommy knows how to make cake."
Then Alexa piped in with, "But usually she just buys them."
Everyone laughed harder.
October 3, 2009. Alexa just turned 8.
There's a diner right in town that we pass all the time as it's right on the main highway going into and out of town. We've gone there multiple times in the past for breakfast, but it's been quite a while since we've gone.
So today Alexa randomly asked me, "Mom, we go to the diner, right?"
I said, "Well, we have, but it's been a long time since we went there."
She said: "When I grow up, I'm going to take my kids there." After a moment, she added: "If I can remember how to get there."
October 25, 2009. Alexa is 8.
We were in the kitchen and Alexa suddenly demanded: "Why do we have tobacco in our house?"
I turned around saying "What?" and saw her holding a little bottle of red sauce.
I said "That's not tobacco. That's tabasco."
She said: "That's the same thing! Isn't it?"
November 13, 2009. Alexa is 8.
Alexa was asking if a boy usually asks a girl to marry him, or if a girl could ask a boy.
I said a lot of times the boy asks but that sometimes a girl does or they just talk about it together.
She asked if I thought somebody would ask her to marry him.
I said I'm sure someday somebody will.
Which set her off on a train of thought that went: "But I have to make sure I really like him. Like, we will probably spend a day together, maybe have lunch, go out to dinner, he can ask me questions, and I can ask him questions, and then we can decide if we think we should get married."
Of course I had to explain that it takes a lot more than one day of spending time with someone before you decide if you love them enough to get married.
"How many days?" she then wanted to know.
November 17, 2009. Alexa is 8.
Alexa and I were sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office. There was a lady there with a little boy who looked to be maybe a year and a half old. Alexa wandered over to them and very casually, in the same way you might say "I like your shoes," said to the woman:
"I like your kid."
December, 2009. Alexa is 8.
Alexa and I were starting to read a section from "The Care & Keeping Of You, The Body Book For Girls" for Health. This particular section covered "the pubic area."
When I first mentioned it, Alexa said: "I know what that is." And she proceeded to point to her eye.
I had to inform her that pubic is NOT the same as pupil.
4th Grade, Alexa is 8:
Alexa brought some dirty laundry to Shawn in the basement, and started going up to get more. I reminded her that we still had a bit more schoolwork to do. Here’s how the conversation went:
Alexa: What’s more important? School or laundry?
Me, jokingly: Yes. (meaning: both!)
Alexa: Would you rather be educated or naked?
Alexa: Well, if we don’t have any clean clothes, we’ll have nothing to wear, and then we’ll have to walk around with no clothes on!
Me: So are you trying to say that laundry is more important than school?
And she proceeded to go upstairs and get the rest of the laundry.
December, 2010. Alexa recently turned 10.
Alexa: “I can’t think of another word that has a suffix.”
Me: “Hm. Try to think of a word that ends in ful.”
July 13, 2011. Alexa is 10.9 years old.
We were doing Story of the World, reading the chapter on the Phoenicians. In the Usborne Book of World History, there was a section that said:
"Occasionally in times of great trouble, the Phoenicians sacrificed children to their gods. The burnt remains were placed in pottery urns, like these, and buried."
Alexa looked horrified, exclaiming, “They burned their own children?! Thank God you're not a Phoenician!”